He's just not that into you...

This past Valentine's Day weekend, I couldn't help but feel a little lonely. While I despise the holiday for many reasons, whenever it rolls around there's a little part of me that wishes that I could at least be in a relationship. Not so much for the gift giving traditions of Valentine's Day, anniversaries and birthdays, but moreso for the fact of having someone to spend time with.

Recently my relationships have been rocky and, well, unofficial. To better understand the situation, I have to give you some background information: I am a 'regular' of a local chat room. I've met a good portion of the people from the chat room at parties or just to hang out. I started going in the room about two years ago.

Well, this past October I decided to meet another person-a male whom I had only chatted with online. To keep his name annonymous I'll refer to him as Wes. Wes is 28, and I am 18. The relationship is a tricky one, and after I explain it I'm sure I'll be getting gasps from all ends of the relationship/friendship spectrum.

A female friend of mine, who is 25,  and Wes had been semi-dating, but never hooked up,  for a couple weeks prior to him and I meeting. She has an anti-relationship philosophy, and when she started to 'fall' for Wes, I was more than supportive of the possible relationship. Come to find out, Wes wasn't as into her as she had thought or he lead on to believe.

The day Wes broke the news to my friend she came to me, obviously, upset. I tried to offer the best advice that I could and help her move on, but knowing  all too well the feeling of rejection, nothing I could say would help.

This is the part of the story where things get ...complicated. The day after Wes broke things off with my friend, he started talking to me. While I knew that I shouldn't have been so willing to talk with him for my friend's sake, I did anyway. More than that, I agreed to hang out with him that night.

I brought a friend of mine along to meet with Wes, and we went to his place after work. We ended up playing monopoly and watching tv, and my friend passed out during it all. That left Wes and I..alone.

All of us ladies know how this goes. You sit on the couch next to each other, slowly somehow you end up inching towards each other and cuddling, next thing you know you're making out and it just spirals from there. Wes and I ended up hooking up that night.

Of course, along with the hook up, I developed feelings. I was starting to see and understand why my friend was so infatuated with him. He was a real charmer, had a way with words and the way he touches you just makes you feel like things are right.

I saw Wes again the next night and we, again, hooked up. I didn't think of my friend while I was at his place, but every night when I left I mentally slapped myself. I felt like I was betraying her, but at the same time I didn't because her and Wes were never 'officially' boyfriend and girlfriend.

I saw Wes three days in a row, and after the third day he told me 'things aren't going to work out'. I was taken aback and confused. I had thought for sure he liked me and I wasn't sure what I had done to make him not want to see me. The conversation leading up to that was about Halloween plans. He had said he was going bar hoping with a few mutual friends, mostly girls, and I said I was going to a male friend's house (whom Wes knew, at least through the chat room) to watch a movie. I came to the conclusion that since Wes said that to me right after the conversation, that he was upset about me going to another guy's house.

I was hurt, and felt rejected. I decided to come clean to my friend. Afraid that she was going to hate me and not want to talk to me, I bucked up and confessed. Her response was surprising, "Chelsea, are you okay?" That's all it took, and I was in tears. I had made myself believe I was okay with what Wes had done, but I wasn't. Prior to Wes, I had only had sex with one other person one time. I was practically a virgin still. Knowing what I had previously been through, she asked to see me that night, so we arranged to meet up.

I was terrified of seeing her. I knew she wasn't mad, but I wasn't ready to accept the fact that I was so hurt. The moment I saw her she embraced me in a hug--She was being the friend I should have been to her.

Unfortanutely, it doesn't end here. I continued to see Wes weekly for about a month to hook up. We agreed that it was going to be a monogamous thing, and that if either of us wanted out we needed to tell the other. This just made things worse, since I still had feelings for him, and I made myself believe he had feelings for me.

My friend, the one who was also involved with Wes, and I planned a trip across the state to see a male friend of mine (the one I lost my virginity to). The night before the trip, I saw Wes. That weekend, my friend confessed to me that she wasn't entirely over him, and I felt like the shittiest person in the world. I was still hooking up with him secretly, while she was still pining over him. I understood completely how she felt, however, because I too was pining over the same person. When the weekened ended I emailed Wes and told him that I couldn't keep having sex with him. That he either wanted to be in a relationship with me or didn't. And if he didn't, then we would just be friends without the sex. He replied with 'Just friends is fine with me'.

I felt rejected again, but this time I wasn't going to let it make me weak. I was going to take it and move on. I confided in a few more mutual friends that I hooked up with Wes, and when word of it got back to him, he blew up at me. He said I was a shitty friend, a slut and that I needed a 'lip tuck'. Needless to say, Wes and I stopped talking.

It wasn't until Jan. that Wes started being nice to me again. I was hesitant at first. A friend had told me that Wes said that he thinks he can get sex from me whenever he wants, and I didn't want him to think that, let alone prove it true. I had decided that I wanted to be vindictive and turn the tables. I wanted to make Wes have feelings for me. I wanted to get close to him, but not give it up. I had hoped that if my plan went how I imagined, I would tell him to get lost after he developed feelings.

Of course nothing ever goes as planned. He's a player and I got a big GAME OVER reality check when I hooked up with him once more-f0r the last time. After, I thought we were just going to go back to having a sexual relationship and nothing more. But Wes had different plans, and started giving me the cold shoulder, yet again. It was as if the whole me telling other people about us situation happened all over again, and Wes didn't want anything to do with me. I was more confused than ever this time, I didn't understand why he didn't want to at least be friends.

I saw the movie 'He's just not that into you' with my mom this past Valentine's Day weekend, and it opened my eyes to so much. As a woman, if you haven't seen it, you need to. The movie brings up the point that from childhood, women are made to believe that if a guy is mean to you it means he likes you. And because we're engraved with this ridiculous idea we allow ourselves to open up and get hurt, when we should really have walls all around.

Bottom line: Wes just isn't that into me. And while so many questions run through my mind; "Why not?", "What did I do to make it that way?", "What's wrong with me?", none of those questions will ever get answered. I don't understand why guys work the way they do, and in a way I don't want to.

What I've learned from not only my experience but the movie is that you can only worry about yourself. There's no point in worrying or analyzing other situations or people because YOU AREN'T THEM. You'll never fully understand the way another person thinks or feels. What you can do is take the experiences you have and turn them into lessons. Find a way to learn from each situation and keep those morals close. Let them form the way you act and think in the future.

-Chels